Global Warming Hoax Weekly Round-Up, July 21st 2011

Greenpeace demands data, scientists should be conCERNed about events in Europe, and someone tell PETA that live animals are being experimented on for the cause of global warming. That’s some Pay-Per-View hippie on hippie gold just waiting to happen.

*A pre-apology. Thanks to an unforeseen tech fail caused by global warming coffee, I’m using the worst keyboard in the world and typos may occur. More than usual, I mean.

Part One: Hippie of the Week

Perennial alarmist Sir David King is no stranger to Bayonet readers, but this is his first big win to become Hippie of the Week. If yo only read the headlines, you might be fooled into thinking that King had a Damascene moment as he called for the Kyoto Protocol to be abandoned. But you’d be wrong.

What King wants is, unbelievably, worse than Kyoto. He wants every country on the planet to limit their CO2 emissions to 2 tonnes per capita per year:

The ultimate aim, he said, should be that by mid-century each country should have an emissions quota based on their population - probably set at around two tonnes of carbon per person - supported by a carbon trading system, by which rich countries wanting to exceed their quota could buy carbon credits from poorer nations.

If you need an idea of what an economy looks like at that level, look at Guyana. No, really. In 2007, Guyana’s CO2 emissions were exactly 2 tonnes per person. Nothing against the good folks of Guyana, but my guess is that they would prefer to live an American lifestyle far more than an American would like to live a Guyanian one.

King, of course, is known to be an out-there hippie thinker. He’s previously suggested the Iraq war was the world’s first global warming induced resource war and that Climategate was executed by a cabal of hackers in the employ of foreign governments or American right-wingers.

Part Two: Warmists & Alarmists

CERN, the particle people, have completed experiments studying the relationship between cosmic rays and clouds. What they found profoundly affects global warming models, and not in a way that warmists are going to like. Which is why CERN boffins have been told to shut up and not interpret the findings. What are the odds that a swarthy fellow appeared in CERN’s offices and whispered, “Nice large hadron collider you got there… be a shame if something happened to it.”

Consensus, it’s what replaced science.

Good news, the UN wants to save the world with green helmet peace keepers. Lock your children away before they arrive. In even better news, the UN says it’ll only cost $38 trillion to make the third world green. Given the UN’s pristine record when it comes to handling megafunds, what could possibly go wrong?

Cognitive dissonance is not the exclusive domain of hippies. How else to explain why the co-founder of Intel, a corporation that consumes copper in quantities that makes your eyes bleed donate to a cause focused on stopping new copper mines:

Big Green Inc. is afflicted with a peculiar schizophrenia that shows most clearly in President Obama’s clean energy economy campaign. “Clean energy economy” sounds so promising — wind farms, solar panels, electric cars, biofuels, wonderful products — all set in a pristine Eden, an untouchable paradise like Bristol Bay. They want all those wonderful products, but they don’t want anybody developing anything to get the stuff necessary to make them. Like mental patients or mystics, from their moral high throne, true believers can’t perceive their own contradictions, can’t grasp the biblical “more bricks, no straw” analogy.

Maybe we’re only supposed to get the pesky raw materials from China, where we can pretend they are magicked from the ground in a pollution-free process powered by green tea and meditation. Or something.

If large predators go extinct, even small species will suffer. Unless it’s Al Gore, then it’ll be fine.

Donna grinds the IPCC for using press clippings even when they claim not to, and has exciting news about her forthcoming book. Some put Raj Pachauri on suicide watch, stat.

It’s the Sun, stupid.

Where’s PETA when you need them? Scientists in Brazil are to expose live animals to dangerous pollutants to see how they fare:

…machines will pump CO2 into closed-off rooms. Each climate-controlled room will stay at temperatures that reflect climate projections from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. ADAPTA’s researchers will examine how the species adapt over time by performing genetic sequencing on new generations born in these controlled climate-simulating conditions.

Unless PETA knows CO2 isn’t a dangerous pollutant but a trace gas essential to life on Earth, surely they must protest? Crickets, chirping.

The Guardian says Antarctica was once a tropical paradise. No word on if dinosaur soccer mom’s in SUV’s were to blame, or not.

That ‘scientific consensus’ warmists like to pretend means something, was itself manufactured. Awkward.

Add it to The List - cats cause global warming.

The EPA goes after the hearts and undeveloped minds of American kids, because adults don’t believe a word they say anymore.

Shut up, they explained. The BBC decides that being unbiased really sucks when it comes to global warming coverage. Rumors that the Beeb is to be renamed the Ministry of Truth are unconfirmed.

Weepy Bill McKibben has a new book out and Grist has (softball) questions:

Q. Well, how do you stay hopeful, or at least engaged? How do you keep people from just curling up into the fetal position?

A. You know what, at some level I’ve given up trying to figure out whether I’m pessimistic or optimistic. I get up in the morning and do what I can, as much as I can, to try and change the odds of this wager that we’ve undertaken. What keeps me hopeful is seeing the tremendous response of people all over the world. We’ve organized 350.org in every country except North Korea…

I’m guessing that last sentence isn’t true, unless I missed the story of Bill weeping in Waziristan.

Green on green action between Andrew Revkin and Tim Flannery:

I was alternately engaged and exasperated by the book, which Flannery casts as a “twin biography of our species and our planet.” …

Whether the result of sloppiness or conscious or subconscious selectivity, the midsection of the book contains repeated patches of interwoven misstatement, fact and hyperbole seemingly aimed at indicting all things manufactured.

Ouch.

The Gristian cult of Gaia seems to believe Earth has an immune system. Um, it’s a planet, dudes.

The irony meter is broken. Greenpeace demands data transparency.

Part Three: Inconvenient Truths

Almost every prediction you here about global warming is the result of a model. But how much trust should we give to models that don’t accurately predict the past?

Fun in the Sub-Continent. India ejected an anti-coal environment minister so they could get on on and build some power stations.

Danish bacon = good. Danish wind power, notsomuch:

…the CEPOS study found that Danish consumers are the ones who take it on the chin. Denmark’s electricity prices are the highest in the entire European Union. And the greenhouse gas reduction benefits? Slim to none, since the exported wind power replaces hydropower, which does not produce significant greenhouse gas emissions. The wind power consumed in Denmark does displace some fossil fuel emissions, but at some cost: $124 per ton, nearly six times the price on the European Trading System.

Fun in Germany. Greens celebrated when germany announced it was to axe its nuclear program, but it’s all gone downhill since then:

Germany has announced a most audacious energy policy: in order to shutter nuclear plants (but not completely scuttle their economy), the German government will direct climate fund cash to building coal and natural gas plants

Hippies, they never see it coming.

A tale of two economies. At the NYT, the green economy is fine, but needs a ‘push’, at Investors.com the green economy is withering.

A low-down dirty denier says that there’s been no significant impact from global warming. Oh, wait, that was an IPCC lead author? My bad.

It’s the volcanoes, stupid:

Busted. Antarctic researchers are barbecuing penguins near a temperature measuring station. How else to explain a +63°C anomaly? Unless…

..

Tim Flannery (of the Revkin bunfight) told Oz politicos that because of global warming it would never rain again and to build a hugely expensive desalination plant. So they did, and then it rained. A lot. And now it costs half a milion dollars a day to keep the desalination plant idle.

British ‘luvvies‘ are upset that the British Council is axing a program to promote global warming. It’s all good fun until someone takes other people’s money away.

The inconvenient truth about wind turbines. Video at the link. You should also bookmark the Aardvark. Hey, that rhymes.

Pesky planet not warming for 15 years, how is a hard-working warmist supposed to put organic food on the unvarnished, sustainable-forestry-product table for his Gaia-conscious one-child family?

One third of the planet’s oceans haven’t warmed since Molly Ringwald’s career began? Can that be right?

Oh noes, the effects of a trace gas on global warming have been overstated?

Tom Nelson takes a hatchet to the WWF’s latest attempts to fund themselves by using polar bear sympathy.

Solar cars, what could possibly go wrong?

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Part Four: Global Hottie

A quiet email to The Daily Bayonet suggested Miranda Kerr would be a suitable global hottie this week. After extensive research, we agree. Ms. Kerr appears to be a perfect candidate for global hottie, even if she is married to a homicidal elf (Image at the link is for the ladies. You’re welcome.)

Thanks for reading.