Global Warming Hoax Weekly Round-Up, May 19th 2011

Say hello to isocyanic acid, mutated bedbugs and giant space squids, revel in the rapture and giggle at Gaians’ failed predictions.

There’s a lot going on this week, the hottie alone moved global temperatures up a few degrees.

Part One: Hippie of the Week

The Hippie of the Week is dyed-in-the-wool climate alarmist and all-around fun party guy Jeremy Rifkin. Jerry is one of those folks who loves doom:

There is no doubt Earth is on the verge of disaster, as our fossil-fuelled civilization pushes the planet toward one of the greatest extinctions of the past 450 million years.

Now that’s the way to get people’s attention, but Jerry’s not even close to warmed up yet. No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse:

as for the environment, Rifkin says the latest research suggests a 3C rise in average temperature “is now looking optimistic,” but this fact alone will completely upset the hydrological cycle. “That climate will put us back to the climate of 3 million years ago, when there was a much different ecosystem. For every one degree of temperature rise on this planet, the atmosphere absorbs about seven per cent more precipitation from the ground, with more floods, wild fires, droughts … and mass extinction of 70 per cent (of the biological diversity) in your kid’s lifetime…”

Whoa. It sounds bad when you put it like that. Jeremy forgets to give you the good news that Jurassic Park will be in your backyard. How cool is that?

Don’t worry too much. Rifkin’s an economist, not a climate scientist, or, based on his pronouncements, a sane human being. The only difference between Rifkin and the fellow below is that Jerry is smart enough not to put a timeline on his nonsense.

Part Two: Warmists & Scaremongers

If you’re reading this on Sunday 22nd, congratulations on being saved. For the rest of us, this weekend is a great time to go Camping. Harold Camping, that is. Zealot and math-challenged Harry C is pretty convinced that the end times are coming on Saturday 21st. That’s this weekend. Fans of Dancing with the Stars and Survivor: Wherethehellarewethistime will be disappointed not find out who won their favorite shows, but the endless hell of burning to death in a Sisyphean loop of torture will probably distract them after a while.

I’m no fan of lunatic theories, but if I understand Camping correctly, most of us will be extinguished by a giant earthquake and the rest get to watch Blondie videos for eternity. I’ll take doom, thanks.

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Misleading but fun link description of the week: Al Gore says wind farms will explode.

American lefty activists at MoveOn.org created an ad to convince people that the mere act of breathing was like smoking a pack of cigarettes ever day. While that’s a scary thought, it’s pure fiction.

UK Climate Change Secretary Chris Huhne committed the nation to the most aggressive targets to combat a trace gas essential to life on Earth, dooming the country to certain economic ruin. Also ruined, Chris Huhne’s own career as a scandal brews over a driving offense. TA hopes that the green agenda goes with the Huhne exit.

Why do hippies love to scare kids with global warming fiction? Because they can’t get sentient adults to listen to their claptrap:

Well-grounded adults understand that the future is not fixed, or many simply lack the interest to care. Adults, after all, have adult responsibilities. So, if the climate scare-mongers can’t frighten the adults, the next logical step is to heap angst on their children who then frighten (or better, pester) the adults into action.

Oscar Wilde once said, “In America, the young are always ready to give those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.” What was true in 1887 is still true today, as those with limited or non-existent adult responsibilities can find the time to take up causes. However, there is a reason why 13-year-olds are not allowed to drive, purchase alcohol, vote, or hold elected office — they simply lack the experience to do so intelligently and with maturity.

The US Government has discovered a new way for us to die from wanting energy. This time, biomass power is under the gun for producing isocyanic acid (HNCO).

The crazy things climate scientists say make Newt Gingrich look smart. Did you know that ‘observational evidence’ is not very useful but computer models are? Welcome to the neo-science of global warming, where what is actually happening, isn’t. Unless the Commodore 64 says it is.

General Motors saves the planet with a 6-acre solar field. Unless you do the math, of course (mature language at the link).

Green on green action of the week features Raj ‘against the machine’ Pachauri and Aussie Green leader Bob ‘carbon taxidermist’ Brown. When Raj has to warn a green to not blame everything on global warming, the only thing to do is look down and try to spot the shark.

More doom! George Monbiot, HOTW alum and Guardianista figures we’re only seven months from starving to death. George doesn’t know anything - how can we starve if we’re already all dead this weekend. Doh!

Hippies working in the climate field were shocked to learn that austerity measures can affect their funding too. The UK Climate Impact Programme is set to lose £1 million in funding.

Powerful figures with green leanings are in trouble. Dominique Strauss-Kahn is in the big house for (allegedly) treating a hotel maid like a beleaguered economy and Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to fathering a child outside his now-over marriage. From Terminator to Governator to Germinator. Is there anything Arnie can’t do?

The GOP is eating it’s own young and is likely to field ‘None of the Above’ against President Obama in 2012. Newt is done, hog-tied by his Al Gore funded tonsil hockey with Nancy Pelosi and now newcomer Jon Huntsman says he’s into the warming consensus too. The Donald is out, so is Huckabee. It’s like Survivor:whothehellisleftforustopickfrom, or something. That’s the last fun with Survivor titles joke, promise.

Grist studies the science and decides that global warming causes giant snakes. Advice to Grist, read your own columns:

What if climate campaigners are fixated on a set of frames and strategies that are doomed to failure? Wouldn’t that suck?

Aussie Bob Brown doesn’t like the media coverage of global warming, so he shoots the messenger.

The IPCC, once more deconstructed by Donna. This week Minx the Merciless discovers the UN’s climate body didn’t play by the rules and that UK warmists behaved badly instead of answering pesky questions about the IPCC’s findings.

Part Three: Inconvenient Truths

The geniuses who run the United Nations have decided the only way to save Gaia is to ‘decouple’ economic growth from the consumption of resources. I suggest we begin this experiment in Unicornomics by decoupling the UN from the resource we call ‘money’ and see how they flourish.

Good news, the EPA-created bedbug infestation just got worse. The bugs have mutated and now have frickin lasers on their heads can carry staph infections.

Good news, President Obama is going to drill. Sometime. Somewhere. Soon. Sorta. Maybe.

Spanish birds are doing the lambada all night long in celebration of the dismantling of el birdo shredderos. (That may not be an accurate translation - I only know ‘Corona’ in Spanish.)

In other hippies-are-economic-titans news, it turns out that fair-trade coffee producers are poorer than the ones allegedly exploited by Nestlé and a dodgy dude with a donkey.

It turns out that worrying about a trace gas essential to life on Earth is pointless. What we should be worried about are fireplaces and dirt roads. No, really:

According to Environment Canada, dust from unpaved roads in Ontario puts a whopping 90,116 tonnes of PM2.5 into our air each year, nearly 130 times the amount from coal-fired power generation. Using the Clean Air Alliance method for computing deaths, particulates from country-road usage kills 40,739 people per year, quite the massacre considering there are only about 90,000 deaths from all causes in Ontario each year. Who knew? That quiet drive up back country roads to the cottage for a weekend of barbecues, cozy fires and marshmallow roasts is a form of genocide.

RTWT, it’s a swift kick to the soft parts for hippies who love fuzzy math.

Oh noes, the IPCC is useless? But what would bloggers do without it?

Expect to see attacks on shale gas and fracking (hydraulic fracturing, or a mighty good curse in BSG) from greens as they attempt to convince us that the newly abundant fuel is a bad, bad thing for Gaia.

California is closing down, bit by bit. 70 national parks are closed after budget cuts.

Fun with doom, continued. If giant squids attack the planet, blame NASA.

Greenlanders are at the sharp end of global warming, and the tale of disaster, hardship and human misery is enough to move even the hardest skeptic heart. Oh, wait. Nevermind:

The tiny capital of Nuuk is bracing for record numbers of visitors this year; the retreating sea ice means a longer tourist season and more cruise ships . . . Hunters are boasting of more and bigger caribou, and the annual cod migration is starting earlier and lasting longer. In the far south, farmers are trying their hand at an exotic form of agriculture: growing vegetables. ‘Before, the growing season was too short for vegetables,’ . . .‘Now it is getting longer each year.’”

Milloy and Morano yuck it up for laughs at the expense of Climatewire. Heh.

Global warming doesn’t cause food shortages, but the solutions to it do.

Uh oh. Apparently Exxon doesn’t fund skeptics. Next week, the Lady Gaga meets Snooki Round-Up. Gotta find a way to pay the bills.

Evolution works? An unfortunate woman in the UK is allergic to electricity following medical treatments. Expect hippies to flock to her door much as religious enthusiasts rush to see weeping statues.

Nevada citizens are learning the hard truth about green policies. Utility NV Energy was so successful with a program to reduce electricity usage that it wants to charge customers more per KW/h to make up its revenue shortfall. Charging more for less is called decoupling, but not in the same way that Al Gore and Arnold decoupled.

Remember all the species man was killing off at record rates? Yeah, nevermind. Good job we didn’t retool the global economy based on that prediction, huh?

Part Four: AGW in the News

A pro-electric vehicle magazine wonders if the BBC has an anti-EV agenda. Note to the good folks at Chargingpoint - exposing that your electric mini can travel to Scotland in only 4 days is an inconvenient truth that your car sucks, not an agenda.

The green, it burns. The number of people unable to afford their utility bills in the UK has tripled. Remember, it’s not a bug, it’s a feature, wherever in the western world you live:

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Louise Gray reports that Britain’s butterflies are bouncing back, thanks to global warming. How odd, given that nothing has changed to ‘solve’ climate change and the same reporter wrote in 2008 that global warming was killing Britain’s butterflies.

Even in the best-case scenario of a 2.4C temperature rise more than a dozen species would be forced north while 147 different butterflies would be unable to survive on half the land they occupy. Many butterflies will largely disappear from where they are regularly seen now. Under the worst-case scenario, rare species like the Spanish Festoon would experience a 97 per cent loss from Spain and Southern France, and the Apollo would suffer a 76 per cent loss from mountainous areas. Climate change is already having an impact on butterflies.

Good job we didn’t retool the global economy based on that prediction, huh?

Oh, Red Kites are also doing well. Pesky resilient species messing with global warming credibility.

Hippie dilemma of the week - why is it okay for NOAA to kill sealions but not for inuits to cull seals?

Now, a drumroll please for the segue of the century: Watermelons explode. You’re welcome.

The Washington Post says global warming denial is harder to justify. Really? Is it harder than explaining why butterflies are okay, or that Greenland loves warmth or that species aren’t dying off as predicted?

LED bulbs can now shine up to 75watts of energy efficient goodness into our lives. Yours for only $40 each.

Uh oh. Sea level rise less to blame for disappearing islands than illegal coral mining.

Run for the tundra, the trees are coming. Global warming will extend the tree line 300 miles north. apparently this is not a good thing. Who knew that hippies were afraid of trees. Too much Lord of the Rings accompanied by many bong hits are not a good combination.

Part Five: Global Hottie

I’d lined up a typical Hollywood moonbat hypocrite for your hottie, but she’ll have to wait. Instead, our hottie is not only scorching hot, but a quiet supporter of injured troops. Not just once, either. So welcome back Mrs. Brad Pitt to the round-up, she’s earned some appreciation.

Thanks for reading, good luck with the rapture thing on Saturday.